The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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