I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
