I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
