Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need to stop coming to work sober
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
