she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
