According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
