We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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