Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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