Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
