Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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