I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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