One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize