Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
