He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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