and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
