If that was your dad, he is hot
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
