So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
