I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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