Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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