You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
