i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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