remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
