wanna go halves on a baby?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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