Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
