A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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