Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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