thus making me awesome and them whores
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
