Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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