Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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