Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
