I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
