I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
