ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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