she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
