Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
