Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
