All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
