I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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