Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
