Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
