You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Alive.
So much puke
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
