Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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