the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
