I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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