I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
