He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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