Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
