ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
