Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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