a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize