I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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