Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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