Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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