im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
