It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
