He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
