I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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