Dual....:-)
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
