I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
