Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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