Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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