I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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