He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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