Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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