ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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